I realized something very profound this morning and i am going to try and explain as best i can.
it began when i thought about this scene in a movie i watched, in which a man said to another, lets have a moment. they then looked each other in the eyes and "had a moment". One of the men could handle it, the other couldn't, so the moment slipped away. I imagined myself in that situation, because i know what the one man who did not let it slip away was trying to do. so i did this, as i lay in Mika's bed stinking up the spot.
I ... where do i start? well, i seized the moment with this man and fell away "inbetween". I almost slipped away, but he could read my mind and actually saved me, he yelled my name and i came back. i told him i loved him and we kissed. suddenly my tribe members were there and they said: So you are gay?
The man and I laughed, because this is so far beyond the concept of gayness.
I should go through the entire process, but I think that is for another time when I can clearly get the facts down, but basically every book I have ever read, every movie I have ever seen and basically every conversation I have ever had informs this profound realization.
That, namely, the devil walks with you every step of the way. As does god. The divine universe in all its beauty and horror walks with you every where you go. now, when one slips "inbetween" as I am going to call it, one faces both the devil and the god alone. without constructs. and this is a dangerous place to be, because it is also a very powerful place. It is not only where we come from but where we are going. actually it is where we are all the time. and this is the profound thing.
We make this world around us, or this world was made for us because we are so very very important to it all in such a deep way. our responsibility to the divine scheme is quite crushing. We are in training.
Imagine a web of golden threads and we are happily enmeshed within. outside the web is the unimaginable beauty of true freedom and the union of the devil and the god into the stuff dreams are made of. the beauty and happiness of this i cant imagine. anyway, our task is not to rip these threads apart and dive into the field of union, but to pass through them with a content smile. ready and trained for the meeting with the god and the devil in their space, alone, without table and chairs and food and tea to save us. just the divine will and you.
so. it is very important to be trained, because if you rip through the fabric, like i have on several occasions with and without the help of mind altering drugs, you can get lost in the space inbetween. this is madness. and the only escape is for you to die. and start over. which i suppose is not that bad. But:
Our world is filled with the messages from the dead to those who still live, in the hopes that the soul that once was will read the words of his own hand and come to the profound realization that training is needed.
So what kind of training? I believe it is necessary to find a master that knows what the hell I am talking about and has walked more steps down the path then me. That would be best. In the meantime:
we are actually with the devil and the god all the time. the space inbetween is actually the only space. our world is a protective cocoon. a barracks. so we can practice the union and see the union. observe it and know its properties; consider the split and wonder aloud what union actually means. this helps.
we can also make decisions and treat people according to what we feel the properties of union are. such as telling your people that you love them. not squashing anger, but smilingly guide it somewhere safe. when drunk, feel the demons and fight them off, or let go of your angels and put your arm around the drunkard next to you and sing. i know this might sound pretty mundane and such, but it was a profound realization for me to see that this is all just a practice session.
and the deductive process was pretty awesome. i mean i cant put it all down because it would be pages, but if anyone has seen the movie a beautiful mind and those scenes where he puts patterns together? thats what it was like. i felt parts of my brain glow.
it makes writing and a tea business much more and much less at the same time. my first choice of the day: to consider things as much more.