decompression

yeah i be trippin. but here with my bro in adam its all good. we toured the city and its beautiful, even the ancient hos flicking their thick swollen tongues at us from behind clean windows. red halos. the morrocans, adjusting their sneer to our knowing gaze. the dutch, happy to chat and interested. last time i was here, two dutch beauties rode by on a bike and yelled at me: fucking tourist! now i notice them peepin me. makes a brother smile to himslef. the tall skinny hosues leaning against each other, cannabis, funky and green, floating in the air like hazy pollen. i can only use cliches. they are cliches for a reason. we all know what they mean. it took all afternoon and several strolls and a good healthy mixture of cold heineken and frothy coffee to get me to breathe peacefully again.

when a man is not in control, he gets frustrated and angry. when his efforts seem to twist into strange unrecognizable shapes, a man gets depressed and questions meaning. rejects the power of will. a good stroll and jokes can help relieve all of this. beer helps. a girl, throwing a nervous look of interest. all these make a man remember the buddha palm. adam is a buddha palm, holding the putrid blooming flower of life.

to A'Dam

In four hours, my plane leaves for Amsterdam. actually six hours, but i have an hour long train ride ahead of me. i just got off the phone with a woman. i'm tellin ya. if anything can spin yer dome around, its a woman. i am not sure if she is humoring me or subtly hinting that i should up and lock her down. its hard work, deciphering and such.

so. to lighten the load my brain has to carry around, i will decompress in Adam, city of canals and cafes, and prepare for my return to china. three weeks with my family has also been very emotional. my brother and i had yet another seminal night of crying and yelling in the Wiesloch slaughterhouse. our bond grows ever stronger. my sister and i have traded silly barbs, sagely advice and evil eyes. my mom and i loved and hated each other. and me and my dad stayed out of each others' way. as for the other family members, my great aunt and uncle are really a pleasure to hang around. they are close enough to love me unconditionally, far enough away to not meddle in my affairs. its perfect.

so off to Adam. where i will be spending the weekend with Alexandra Wiercowic (sp) a beautiful polish princess. when i was 16, i went with her cousin and my best friend, Filip Pawelka, to their hometown of Slupsk in northern Poland. She was maybe 10, and she would follow us around through the ghetto projects, staring up at us and blushing and laughing. she was gangly, but it was clear to all how gorgeous she was going to be. anyway, it has been a long standing joke between the Pawelkas and me that Ola, as she is affectionately known, had a massive crush on me. its easy to understand, considering how damn charming my ass can be. and now i visit the fully grown, fully operational Ola in Amsterdam. She has a man, so all you lecherous bastards and romantic fools can sigh in disgust.

and i dont smoke no more either. i will probably go to the van gogh museum, and see what Ola has to say about domespinning fox devils and girlhood crushes.