A Full Month: Smooches and Poo

I have absolutely no time to write anything.

Little Man turned one month today and here is what's been happenin:

He empties breasts like they was ATM machines and he is growing. He already outgrew clothes that were too big for him in week 2. He can kick pretty strong and his arms are strong too. I am not sure what "normal" is for strength, but if I lightly hold the back of his head to keep from tipping over, he can stand for about 2-3 seconds. That seems strong to me, but hey, I also think he is the cutest lil punk I have ever seen.

He laughs a bit now and smiles a lot. He looks around at stuff and there are moments, which I described earlier I believe, when he really intently looks around him in quiet appreciation. Sometimes some thing that he saw that I didn't will make him pump both arms and both legs and yelp-laugh (yes, yelp-laugh) in excitement.

My feelings for him are solidifying, but basically, I do what needs to be done. That's what it feels like and there is no complex way to describe it. I work so I can have the cheddar to buy him diapers; I scrub the walls and paint them in my new crib so he can live phat; and i take care of him and my lady with hugs and squeezes so they are emotionally chilled out. That's pretty much the deal.

My lady is doing ok, considering that her nipples are sore, she had a recent breast infection which caused her to have a fever and her body is still a full size (or more) bigger than her normal svelte self. She is handling shit like a soldier and I knew that she would from day 1, when I didn't know anything about what would happen between us. I had a vision then of us together, but I ignored it cuz there are just too many ladies out there that I need to love. Whatever. When it comes to Mommy-hood, she's handlin it.

So on to the issue of the week:

Poo.

Little Man is having poo issues. This is supposedly normal, but it is stressful, as he learns how to poo, as his movements get regular and as the gas gets slowly emitted ...

basically, he has stopped pooing for 2 days and the buildup is hurting. I guess 1-2 months this happens ... of course, me and Yushi are tripping, but then again, we trip on everything every week.

And here are some pics from a lil cutie smoochin my boy up:

From Now On

Dorian turns two weeks in a little less than an hour. The following is an altered message I wrote to a friend and is the post I was trying to write all week but never really had the time or the energy to put it all down. So thanks, Melissa, for getting me to spit it out ...

there is so much to tell. first off, he is doing good. he eats regularly and A LOT and he poos yellowish green. so that's supposedly good. he sleeps pretty decently, maybe 2 hours or so between suckles and at night he gets in a good 3-5 hours. He has these little pimples, little white heads, on his forehead right between his eyes that drive me berserk. i use this salve on them and it works, they are much less than in the beginning, but they aren't gone. i know today is his second week and things go slowly, but it bothers me.

he chokes on the breastmilk sometimes and i have to burp the hell out of him, takes a while, but it usually works well and he ends up passing out on my shoulder.

he has about periods every day, just at dusk or after his bath or maybe when the noonday sun reaches in, when he is super curious and he stares about 2 inches above my head as if there were sprites teasing him there. he looks at everything and has a whole series of expressions.

his arms and legs are (abnormally?) strong, he can bust through most swaddling and i have to hold him down when he gets angry, when he wants out, when he wants to eat and when he otherwise want to kick and squirm his way into/out of something that I haven't really figured out yet.

every time he sneezes I think he has a cold. he sneezes a lot. stresses me out.

Yesterday he tried to kiss me. he leaned in real close and we looked at each other and i could feel his recognition, his appreciation his love and his inability to express it all and i felt his animalness and also the chaos beneath as all of these emotions were washed away suddenly by the flickering of lights on the wall.

my feelings for him are very simple, but hard for me to express or fathom. He is a part of it all, from now on, and that's basically it. It doesn't feel like the lightning flash some people talked about, or the One Consciousness Hippy Love that others gushed over. He just is and therefore I am ... a Father and Guardian.

There were two lil poems I wrote in the past couple of weeks and both of them were mystic and lofty. I wonder if they were the watershed moments of emotion that surround the daily burping, pooing, suckling, half-smiling, blurry-eyed reality of a two week old whose existence depends utterly on my ability to take care of him.