Beginning to feel the 安

安 means peace and is represented by a woman under a roof. I always figured this character was a bit patriarchal ... but now that i have a mama and a lil one under my roof ... i know what them old sages were talking about.

Its the 30th according to the Chinese Lunar calender, so its a new year, out with the OX in with the Tiger. All is good. here are some pics from the last few days ... from contractions to today's chill session ... Holla:


It all started with a game of Risk ...


... then the contractions started.


Got worse.


Next thing I know, me and Pops are peeping through windows.


Josh and Heather showed up with Aixi and we checked up on mama ...


Then Lil Bean aka Lil Man aka Ninja aka the Boy aka Dorian aka aka aka was in our arms




and now he's a part of everything we do ... what a trip ...

redemption is just one way of saying

my job is
to pull you back from the brink of darkness
protect you from the prince of shadows
show you the flower in all seasons
keep you fed, fat and giggling
give you a blanket when its cold
build a home for you to waltz in
shore up the foundation when it crumbles
so that i might be
the man i've always wanted to be

The Wagon Part Deux

in darkness and in light


even as alli said in the last post is true, so is the sweetness of the old lady and the steady drifting of the old man in from the cold. she wants to be our grandmother and it takes time for her to manage the movement from skeksi to mystic, but if you have seen the movie dark crystal, then you know they are one.

the gorging of the skeksi sustains the mystic sheperd during the trek through the valley of death.

what i learned is that although the sheperd does his duty and brings them all through, the pain and suffering that cascades down the black valley walls does not ebb or dissipate or go away. no, the mystic takes it upon himself and drinks from the vile rivers so the weak may walk as children do.

i learned this during the penultimate phase of the moon on a veranda bathed in white light and the scatterings of tribal factions mimicing the protonic movements of free radicals searching searching ...

so the wagon is both. abode of demons and hearth for the lost.

throw a stone or move

Sigh. How many times do we read something like this over coffee/tea in the mornring, imagine charging or throwing a stone at a rich man's house and then ... just go about doin yer thang?

Every step of the way

I realized something very profound this morning and i am going to try and explain as best i can.

it began when i thought about this scene in a movie i watched, in which a man said to another, lets have a moment. they then looked each other in the eyes and "had a moment". One of the men could handle it, the other couldn't, so the moment slipped away. I imagined myself in that situation, because i know what the one man who did not let it slip away was trying to do. so i did this, as i lay in Mika's bed stinking up the spot.

I ... where do i start? well, i seized the moment with this man and fell away "inbetween". I almost slipped away, but he could read my mind and actually saved me, he yelled my name and i came back. i told him i loved him and we kissed. suddenly my tribe members were there and they said: So you are gay?

The man and I laughed, because this is so far beyond the concept of gayness.

I should go through the entire process, but I think that is for another time when I can clearly get the facts down, but basically every book I have ever read, every movie I have ever seen and basically every conversation I have ever had informs this profound realization.

That, namely, the devil walks with you every step of the way. As does god. The divine universe in all its beauty and horror walks with you every where you go. now, when one slips "inbetween" as I am going to call it, one faces both the devil and the god alone. without constructs. and this is a dangerous place to be, because it is also a very powerful place. It is not only where we come from but where we are going. actually it is where we are all the time. and this is the profound thing.

We make this world around us, or this world was made for us because we are so very very important to it all in such a deep way. our responsibility to the divine scheme is quite crushing. We are in training.

Imagine a web of golden threads and we are happily enmeshed within. outside the web is the unimaginable beauty of true freedom and the union of the devil and the god into the stuff dreams are made of. the beauty and happiness of this i cant imagine. anyway, our task is not to rip these threads apart and dive into the field of union, but to pass through them with a content smile. ready and trained for the meeting with the god and the devil in their space, alone, without table and chairs and food and tea to save us. just the divine will and you.

so. it is very important to be trained, because if you rip through the fabric, like i have on several occasions with and without the help of mind altering drugs, you can get lost in the space inbetween. this is madness. and the only escape is for you to die. and start over. which i suppose is not that bad. But:

Our world is filled with the messages from the dead to those who still live, in the hopes that the soul that once was will read the words of his own hand and come to the profound realization that training is needed.

So what kind of training? I believe it is necessary to find a master that knows what the hell I am talking about and has walked more steps down the path then me. That would be best. In the meantime:

we are actually with the devil and the god all the time. the space inbetween is actually the only space. our world is a protective cocoon. a barracks. so we can practice the union and see the union. observe it and know its properties; consider the split and wonder aloud what union actually means. this helps.

we can also make decisions and treat people according to what we feel the properties of union are. such as telling your people that you love them. not squashing anger, but smilingly guide it somewhere safe. when drunk, feel the demons and fight them off, or let go of your angels and put your arm around the drunkard next to you and sing. i know this might sound pretty mundane and such, but it was a profound realization for me to see that this is all just a practice session.

and the deductive process was pretty awesome. i mean i cant put it all down because it would be pages, but if anyone has seen the movie a beautiful mind and those scenes where he puts patterns together? thats what it was like. i felt parts of my brain glow.

it makes writing and a tea business much more and much less at the same time. my first choice of the day: to consider things as much more.

China's Charter 08

"China, as a major nation of the world, as one of five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council, and as a member of the UN Council on Human Rights, should be contributing to peace for humankind and progress toward human rights. Unfortunately, we stand today as the only country among the major nations that remains mired in authoritarian politics. Our political system continues to produce human rights disasters and social crises, thereby not only constricting China's own development but also limiting the progress of all of human civilization. This must change, truly it must. The democratization of Chinese politics can be put off no longer."


This is the English translation of perhaps one of the most important documents in modern Chinese history, by Perry Link.

I have said to friends and in columns and blogposts that if CHina awoke -- not like Napoleon warned, as in economic or political terms, but in intellectual and moral terms -- than we might very well be on the verge of a great transition in society away from the Bushes of the world and toward pragmatic, aware, compassionate and intelligent societies.

Opportunities

I trust myself now more than ever. I thought to myself the death of Wall Street could only be a boon for me and mine. I had a feeling there was an air of excitement building up ... i felt guilty saying it, but i did anyway.

peep this video, an Addendum to the Zeitgeist movie that tore into the 911 myth, the Jesus myth and the Fed. They bring the right message at the right time. They got me thinking about further schooling ...

By the time this crisis is over and my hair is thin and gray, my daughter's sons will ask why it took me so long.

Obama's Acceptance Speech in Denver

"... this election has never been about me. Its about you."

Read it and tell me Who's the Man.

We Need Your Help

I was thinking about young Chinese this morning. Last night i was chillin with Li Du, Zachary Mexico and Liang Kegang in a KTV establishment. It was a young PSB dude's birthday and he wanted me to come out and drink with him cuz we have been chillin together during this Holland Heineken House gig.

We showed up and he brought beer and girls. These girls were some busted looking young semi-professional call girls. They sang pretty, poured beer and lit smokes. The PSB guy really wanted us to take some of the girls home, because his buddy owned the KTV joint and could make a little cheddar, and i suppose just to get all of us in one big dirty group. Anyway, my man Li Du sang some awesome Cui Jian songs about Chinese society and politics.

The PSB kid and the girls listened blankly as we told them that Cui Jian was a homie -- Li Du still kicks it with him -- and that he is the Godfather of Chinese Rock.

Got me thinking.

Today there are a few stories out there: this blog post about the ChiComm Troll and why it is important to combat him/her. All of us in China know this troll; I like to call him Captain China. Basically its the kid that mindlessly spits the Party Line, because, according to this story:

...many Chinese editors are steering clear of negative stories during the games either because they think their readers are disinterested in anything that might dull the positive spirit or to do their bit for a successful Olympics.

"Every Chinese journalist is a Chinese citizen. For the Olympics, there is a common consensus, often on a subconscious level, that they should make sure everything goes smoothly," Mr. Shi said. "They must defend their own country."

So i thought about why?

Why exactly do we care or need to say anything to Chinese about themselves?

And after a bit of thought, I realized it is because we need their/your help. This is an age of awakening across the board and China is rising up and "awake," but only in certain aspects.

We cannot afford to have this nation of 1.3 billion people rise to power as ultranationalist, brainwashed slaves to the CCP version of "The Man."

We spend enough time trying to stay awake in our own country, fighting off The Man and trying to spread the truth. If we have to fight off the Chinese as well, it will go bad for us. In the end, Western tycoons are smiling wide and lending the Chinese tycoons a hand in keeping their people down and censored; obedient and enthralled.

Why do you think China is the world's factory?

Its all about cheap, obedient labor.

Rage against the dying of the light

or just post some love on yer blog and send it through the underground.

i remember telling some young Chinese friends about the Tank Man in Tiananmen and they all laughed at me and said it was a piece of CIA propaganda. I think for everybody who does not live in China, the image of the lone bespectacled middle manager forcing the tanks to swerve around him was probably one of the most moving images of our lives. I will never forget it. It is sad and horrible that his sacrifice is meaningless in the land he loves.

And it is one of the largest jumps across the chasm of mis-communication between us. How can young Chinese understand us if they lack the essential info that we take for granted? How can we understand them if we speak to them in a language of images that they have never seen?

everyone of these links are blocked in China.

this one some how made it through.

如果有中国朋友在看这个blog，我希望你们也有办法看到这个中国英雄。这样，也可以明白为什么外国人必需说哪么多。对我们来说,“他们”的目标是让我们变傻，不了解自己，无法勾通。

And in parting, i would like to say i am proud to be a broke ass member of the "Right but Poor" club.