I notice a lot of bad ass women out there. women who have been in the trenches of love in their twenties, been hurt, been disregarded, been underestimated. In response, i find a lot of women taking their lives out of the hands of "their men" and going it alone. How many women resign themselves to raising a child alone?
its become almost acceptable to have baby-mamas all over the place with absent fathers. There is nothing good about this. I saw a quote from Mother Teresa, concerning abortion, that applies here i think:
"It is a sin that a child must die in order for you to live as you please."
I am not thinking about abortion and death in literal terms, but an absent father and therefore the absence of a vision of manhood for legions of kids. This is the death of something.
I made mistakes as a kid and i wish i knew then what i know now. All i can say is that i have learned and if i ever father a child that woman will be my wife. Got no choice.
I am going to have to come back to this topic later in the day.
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I am in the Bay chillin with my boy 10z, the weather is magnificent and I am headed to China in three days to buy tea and chill with my China peoples.
2 comments:
In my mind dueling parents who stay together are not better than peaceful parents who live in different homes. Perhaps this is not the ideal, but if it's not right for you, it's probably not right for the other person, or your child either. If you do marry someone and find yourself unhappy, don't think you will "fail" if you don't stay together. I don't know what this says about the demise of our society, but i just think it's more real. Of course, TRY to make it work. But beyond all effort, you deserve to be happy too.
And you -- as a father -- wouldn't have to "die" in your child's world if you did split up. Fathers have rights and many of them do stick around. They must assert themselves a lot more than women during a split though, because the culture we live in does not necessarily favor fathers over mothers. This archetype you see around you, of "mamas going it alone," i think is partly brought on by women not wanting to take the bullshit anymore, and partly the tough road a father has to tread if the mama wants to play the custody game. And there are also the men who assume they will lose and so just never try, because this is "the way it is."
But i think as much as women want equality in the workplace and the home, men should ask for their equality too.
Kids need both parents.
The nuclear family unit you are describing is very ethno-centric and most likely rooted in the perspective you have from growing up in this type of family. I'm surprised with all of your travels you haven't really absorbed the various types of families this world fosters.
As the American culture changes and grows forward, the definitions of what a family is also changes and grows forward. I agree with Nico...two peaceful homes and parents is much better for a child. Parents model behaviors that children pick up, such as various abuse patterns with their spouses and selves, and as children grow into adults they repeat those learned patterns. Unless one becomes self aware of these things and works on those issues, they are basically trapped. I admire those parents who recognize this and dedicate themselves in guiding their child into a healthy adulthood.
This daughter of a single mother and single father, applauds the strength of single parents everywhere!
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