Chirp Out Day

Chirp Out is the day of freedom and joy for my Tribe. Its the day when we hit the road again after a season of trimming and farting and smoking and such. we hold councils on the daily and estimate the exact date of the final chirp chirp. we figure less than 10 days. maybe one week. after all of this, i might walk with around 6k. its not what i was hoping, but its good money in a good spot with good people and eachtime i come here i get stronger (and maybe weaker?) in some way or another.

So i have this homeboy SUPABOY in brzil right now and he is a shaman. we all knew this and to hear it from the horse's mouth is just confirmation of long held beliefs. the questions i ask myslef these days basically revolve around my increasingly tenuous hold on this reality coupled with the fact that i am going to be a father in about four months. so i have a family to take care of and a seed to nurture and at the same time my own individual experience tells me that the time is nigh. i know hippies and such talk about 2012 in whispers and loud proclamations. i believe in some of what they say even as i deride hippies for being the shades that they are. why should i sneer at a hippy goddess when she is just giving voice to what is in my head anywayz? perhaps because i feel that my path is more righteous in some way.

and getting into that, there is a dude at the ranch that judges all paths according to his particular experience and he does a lot of sneering. i find myslef laughing at him too. so i just bide my time and do battle with doubts. in the end, life has taught me that my free will brings me to where i need to be ... the path might be straight, but i needs be wandering off into the underbrush before i am reminded that the way is laid out. its what the universe wants anyway. complexity -- because the universe in the beginning was lonely and continues to be so until every single atom and molecule sings along with the one voice.

these thoughts collide with the very present needs of baby formula, nice house, clothes and the proximity of me to them and them to me (my family here is what i speak of) and the merging of all this into one clear train of action and thought is, i guess, what it all is.

i am with my crew and our energies crackle out loud and i can feel that even as we grow closer and stronger something holds us all back into our own perceptions. it is only me and my and I that will face the truth alone. and it is only with my crew and family and brothers that i can face the truth alone. the dichotomy of it all makes me sit and watch and observe, because any action is fraught with its twin: inaction.

safety and sanity vs. the unknown and the only thing we should know.

i feel ready to shatter and impervious to all weapons at the same time.

a sentence that hit me while i was on break from dry trim smoking one on the wagon's porch:

"sunlight through the scrub oak, a sparrow flies between them on wings of gold."

thats what it looked like to me. and even my homie hans had a halo when he stood before the oak below the nest and chuckled to himself about something as low low low as the deuce he just dropped in an overflowing outhouse. only by writing these things down can i keep the threads of my reality together just long enough to be there for all my family and people when they need me. I used to worry (and sometimes i still do) that all this writing is just for me and myself but every now and then a brother or sister will read it and feel it and laugh with me and say in a low whisper by a rain spattered window above the street that

i was thinking the same thing just now.

last night with a frozen bottle

after all that lonely lashing out ended, i dreamt of a castle i was in, under attack from buffoons shooting dynamite into the air. it was my castle, in the sense that i lived there, but i still wanted to show them my secret passageway in the wall and the stone staircase that led down to the village below. but it was only me that peered through the fake boulder into the village. a dog ambled passed me and then a mountain lion creeped up and at first i was scared but then i looked into its eyes and saw curiousity. it came close and its fur started to stretch and pull like a hairstyle and it said look what i can do, and slowly turned into a woman, first the leg -- i stroked it to make sure, and yes it was skin -- then her back and arms and then her head. we both were desperate to have sex and we were doing it when i awoke.

A long hiatus makes for a rambling post

So i will begin with an introduction:

hi, this has been inaccessible for me for some time, but now i have hotpost shield so its all good (addendum: not all good). I am still in Chengdu and fly out of here on the 30th to Shanghai and then back to SFO for a while.

Now straight to the business. this blog is vital to me and my spiritual and mental well being. it has replaced pen and paper as my muse and medium and dumping grounds for all that i see and hear and think every day. so i have a bout 10 days of thoughts locked up in my domicile and they are starting to cause a ruckus. breaking shit. throwin chairs and bottles.

(This is a continuation of a post that got lost in the ether due to Chinese censors. Fuck a censor)

So I am backtracking through my brain to get to a spot that will result in its own post/story so I might as well start from just a few minutes ago:

Sat and watched a couple of guys play chess and I learned three new openings. First move, push the right side inner pawn. Next move, bring the cannon to the center. Third move, push the right side horse up. Fourth move, bring the left side cannon right up next to the center cannon. Last move, bring the left side horse to the left side. Then, put your tank into play. right side tank.

The key to that opening is to push the pawn first and bring the cannons together.

This morning, i talked with my man in Chiang Mai and he told me about a kiwi porn star he met that had gotten into a car accident and scarred her face up so bad, now she has other things to do besides freak on film for cash money. The reality of her face laid him down flat and he woke up on the floor in the morning wondering wondering.

this morning i slept in cuz I haven't been sleeping well so I "watched" the nuggets play the lakers on espn play by play. fell back asleep. the nuggets were up when i fell asleep, but then i dreamt that they lost 103-97. check the score. That type of ether-knowledge seeping into my brain as i lightly sleep used to be remarkable.

then i sent bean the last 20 pages of this book i am working on called 8 years in china. i want it to be a collection of blogs, antiwar.com essays, my thoughts AND words and pics from my peoples. i think its doable .. to have like a really rounded out picture of what the hell i was doing out there. big project, when you think about ALL of the possible content. anyway, there is one passage where i describe my first impressions of her -- we met in a weird way. that, of course, was all she saw and it pissed her off. she cant see yet that a story, just like a relationship, DEVELOPS over time and towards the end attempts to RESOLVE certain things. and plus i am leaving in a week so its getting to crunch time. my funk is all up in her apartment -- i smell really strong for those of you who dont know -- and this ... well ... its a girl-boy thing man.

Last night i aint got nuthin to say cuz i was just staring at a computer.

Day before, well the night before i went to the panda club and inhaled the old dirty du scene., aint nuthin changed for real. same bitches same foolz same homies on the decks providing good tunes and train wrecks to remind me that this is a shadow world.

day before that i was in Qingcheng with my tea people checking out this yummy bittersweet local tea and a locally produced jiaogulan ... very good teas and the man in charge, peng qi, is a good man and i think we can def. work together. my long time tea homie chen shui yuan told me of his dreams and let me play with his silly lil 4 year old daughter. he also brought his father in law with him and i was reminded that a lot of east coast older men are quite elegant and composed.

before that i was in qingcheng again and that trip deserves its own post with pics and thoughts.

stay tuned.

mad love

The Universe is a Hologram

I was tipped off to this article this morning by meeks shuckafunka and about four paragraphs down is the word "eidolon."

I wrote a story a LONG time ago that is still sitting in the unpublished drawer about a man who falls in love with a woman in seconds and the story is called Eidolon because he creates, for himself, an image of love for this woman because he is guilty. He creates a love reality because it feels better to actually love this poor girl rather than leave her to her lonely fate.

so once again, coincidence rears its head at me and, yeah, i can shrug it off and go about eatin my eggs. or ... or i can rise up out of my wheelchair and cry freedom. Even if i collapse back into my chair at least i know they aint never got me.

and, oh, various posts in this blog deal with the topics discussed in the article linked above, but i suppose this most recent one really ... you know .. proves that electrons communicating across oceans are really. just. talkin to theyselves.

The Whipping Boy

I sent a mass email out the other day to get people to sign a petition to have 1 million given to every citizen in the US by the gov. the math is of course "ridiculous" right? the idea that the gov "financed by the people" could possibly give any money to us is "absurd" and i am a goddamn fool and a hippy for even considering it. I am actually. The economics of it all is pretty simple to laugh at, as evinced by Himmler's reply:

"one million dollar bailout to every citizen? This is like the Onion
without a punch line. It would never work for many reasons. This would
cost way more than our annual GDP (a ridiculous sum of money) and
would lead to a total breakdown of society because in a capitalist
system you need poor people to exploit. If everyone's a millionaire no
one will do the shitty jobs which are necessary. Who cleans the
bathrooms? Who serves in the army? Etc

It would also plunder the dollar, bringing its value to its knees.
Because we don't have $30 trillion, adding it (printed money) to the
current money supply would make the price of everything skyrocket
unimaginably. like, loaf of bread for $300. And because the dollar is
instantly devalued and everyone around the world dumps it, you
couldn't do cool shit like buy a villa in Mexico or Thailand.

In terms of disasters this would be worse than another 9/11."

pretty cool response, huh?

Tell ya what. If I were a Wall Street banker, i would be called an idiot for asking for any less than a million. Its my impotent disgust that makes me do rash things like embarrass myself with mass emails calling for insane propositions. I should stop reading the news.

We the People of the United States are dumber than shit not because we sign silly petitions (a million signatures or more might get someone's attention ... ) but because we, like every other society throughout history and most likely deep deep into the future until we either blow up or colonize Mars, allow the rich to rape us left and right.

You wanna hear some ridiculous absurdity? Consider genocidal episodes as payback for generations of subtle, non-violent rape. Is it rape to be an insulated group of determined, hard-working people with a shared history, language and culture and a collective acknowledgment of money as the arbiter of power and an accompanying collective will to protect oneself with the power of currency?

Hippies and New Age mystics along with a large swath of hipsters, travel writers, hip hop djs and other disenfranchised disenchanted youth have been calling for a clean slate in their living rooms and coffee houses and quote the Mayans, Jesus, Astronomy and Nostradamus as proof that God has a reset button planned for us all. Well a reset button is a great flood.

We are placated for now with Obama ... he's our generation's Great Brown Hope. Its fitting that we who reject racism intellectually should place the burden of absolution for our sin of "Acceptance of Society As Is" on the shoulders of a black man.

i can't help getting angry, because i have no wife or kids or Great Work to keep my mind occupied and I have no underground posse of rebels like the Weatherman. I got Sammy and Nicole. Is it anger or jealousy?

Be honest, sasch, and tell em you wish you could commit a grand white collar crime and skip away into the sunset. Honesty is the best policy. I will always be a tragically hip, broke ass, coffee house Taoist, because for me, given the choice, sitting all day in a grove and luring butterflies onto my finger is much more preferable than sprinting with rats.